Thursday, October 09, 2003
Ocean Drive
Say it's true
Pink and blue
I can share your situation
Keeping hold our
Emotions yeah
Will only make us cry
And you go
But I know
It ain't so serious, anyway
When the clouds arrive
We'll live on Ocean Drive
(Chorus)
Don't know why
So blue
The sun's gonna shine on everything you do
The sky, so blue
The sun's gonna shine on everything you do
He left you
Black and blue
Without a word of explanation
And he took your love for granted and,
He left you high and dry
But you know
Someday
Well you'll wonder what you see in him, anyway
When that day arrives
We'll live on Ocean Drive
Sunday, October 05, 2003
I'm sorry but I just have to write this. I was starting to shift my blog to a new topic but I encountered this article which talks about Histrionic Personality Disorder. I really have to write this in or else I wouldn't be able to sleep for a coulple of daysit I don't write this down and settle the issue once and for all.
TOP 10 REASONS WHY ANTOINE COULD BE DIAGNOSED AS HAVING HISTRIONIC PERSONALITY DISORDER
1. He has a high degree of attention seeking behavior.
A perfect example is: he always tells me that he is not feeling well or that he is sick. And he always want his friends to take notice of his toned arms, abs and shoulders. He literally yanks our hands to touch it eventhough we are not really interested.
2. He displays temper tantrum, tears and accusations.
I actually saw him to spontaneously shed tears (just like that) because he claims that the girl he is courting does not show interest in him. Being caught of guard and acting as a friend I consoled him and thought it to be sincere (AS if!)
3. His need for reassurance is endless.
He knows he is goodlooking already and yet he just won't stop asking you about how he looks. And he always claims that he doesn't look good. And again acting as a friend, you use the "That's not true" crap. Now I'm starting to feel like an idiot (sometimes).
4. His relationships tend to be superficial.
He had been in so many relationships already and not one of them lasted for more than a year nor did anyone ended in a good note. Oh and did I fail to mention--- he doesn't have many friends.
5. He is vain, self-absorbed and fickle.
To prove that he is vain, he called me in the middle of the night (in the middle of my sleep at that) asking me how much my plastic surgeon friend charges for a rhinoplasty. Self-absorbed - yes he is that too. He want you to be there for him, supporting him in all his endeavors but when you need him, he always uses the "I'm busy" alibi.
6. He displays seductive behavior.
He is often touchy even in people he just met. He is fond of giving GBKs to everyone or anyone.
7. He has psychosexual dysfunction.
I'm not sure if my previous blog entries would count as evidence to this.
8. He uses his hands a lot in the form of gestures and dramatic punctuations in his conversations.
He uses his hands a lot whenever he explains something (because he always has a hard time explaining himself, it takes a long time for him to get to the point). His hands just keep on rolling, spreading, pointing, etc. (not very manly)
9. He has strong dependence needs which makes him overly trusting and gullible.
He can't do anything by himself. He always needs company whether to have a snack, study, shopping etc. He always asks for help. (again not a very manly trait)
10. He fulfills the DSM-IV-TR Criteria for Histrionic Personality Disorder.
Need I say more?
Tuesday, September 30, 2003
I'm ending this issue with Antoine right now!!! (Well, just for this blog, it's not like I'm ready to talk to him.). I want a new topic to write about. And it is also my way of showing that whatever he does or say doesn't bother me anymore. I know that I am still a good person (both inside and out). It's time to leave the guilty conscience attitude and start out anew. Monday, September 29, 2003
Again to continue my story about Antoine, lately I have heard rumors that the reason why we are suddenly not into talking terms anymore is that I fell in love with him and he rejected my love and I got hurt (well, that sort of thing). I just laughed it off cause as far as I'm concerned- there is no shed of truth to it. I didn't admit it to the classmate who told me about the rumors that before I considered not talking to him, I actually thought if I harbored feelings of love towards him. I weighed all the possibilities. Antoine was in fact goodlooking that makes it even easier for a person to like him. He has a good family background and is in some ways intelligent. I am more intelligent though (and I could say that with conviction). We've been friends for quite awhile now but the thought of me being in-love with him never crossed my mind. And I'm being so honest about this. Although it could be possible, he simply is not my type.
I don't know what my subconscious reason could be but I didn't try to convince my classmate that the rumors were not true. I thought that whatever explanation I have to offer they would still believe what they choose to believe. So what's the use of explaining? Plus i know that whatever explanations have to offer would just add to further rumors. This incident has gone far, for as far as I'm concerned. I want this to all end. Ending would mean confronting and talking to Antoine, which I am not ready to do yet at this point in time. I know I am being unfair to him but it is better to be civil than to be enemies. I don't know if we still have a chance. I don't know if I want that chance. I don't know.
Thursday, September 18, 2003
Lately, me Antoine are not into hanging out. I don't know what happened but I know that the problem was within me... or rather, was or is me. It's not that I don't like his being gay or the idea that he is gay (don't get me wrong here, one of my closest friends is in fact- GAY, and I love his being one). But certain events had transpired between us:
1. I had family problems and Antoine was not the type of friend who could offer help or consolation- HE'S NOT THE SHOULDER TO CRY ON TYPE OF FRIEND.
2. I got so preoccupied with school work while he was on the more relaxed side (so, instead of doing things together- i did my thing while he did nothing).
3. I got pissed off with his irresponsible attitude when he missed one of our exams, managed to schedule a make-up exam, and still got good grades off the subject.
4. I got really fed up with his sending me SMS looking for me almost all the time and waking me up in the middle of my sleep just to ask me about RHINOPLASTY (how vain could you be?).
5. I feel betrayed and I'm sick of his lies.
6. I'm tired of his bestfriend bugging me about what happened between us (me and Antoine).
7. And I'm so pissed with his telling everyone that i'm ignoring him and that I got him so confused and all..
Can't he just respect my decision not to talk or not to spend time with jim for the mean time? Well, as self-centered as he already is, I guess he could not.
Monday, September 15, 2003
It's been a long time since my last post and I thought that this is the time to tell the origin of the title i used for this blog. Its KY JELLY BEANS....ever wondered why it was named such? Well this is a very interesting and intriguing story.
My story start on second week of July, it is the rainy season and as usual our classes got suspended for the afternoon due to the torrential rains. Well, it was a relief for me. I have a lot of backlog readings I have to catch up on. So I thought, this is my chance to at least catch up on the topics i missed and hopefully, if I get done early I would also catch up on lost sleep (the concealer that used to conceal my eye bags are just making them more apparent). Anyway, I went back to school to get the things I left in the library (because I left them there before I went out for lunch). On my way back my friend Antoine had been calling my cell and was looking for me. I answered his call and the make of the conversation was, we planned to study in a nearby cafe since the library would be closed.
So i met Antoine in the cafe just at the groundfloor of my apartment. He had not had his lunch yet so he had his lunch while I was preparing the things I need to study (I usually have a long ceremony before I could start studying): making sure I have my hi-liters, a mirror, a red pen and a ruler.
We were seated in a really nice corner, far from the distractions of people who are coming in to buy something. After 30 mins or so of trying to read things about chronic myelogenous leukemia, Antoine got bored with what he was reading. He asked me to look for his marker in his bag (since his bag was right beside me). So I said "ok" and started looking for it. I checked the frontmost pocket, it wasn't there.... Then I checked the second one...and lo and behold what I got hold of was a half-emptied tube of KY Jelly. Apparently Antoine wasn't lookingso I took it out of the posket and checked if it really was it.
It was confirmed...it was indeed KY Jelly. I got scared. I put it back in and started looking for the marker again. Luckily I found it at last. Could it be? Is Antoine a G__? Is it actually a confirmation of what everyone had been suspecting of him that I as his friend tried to defend him til the very end? Did he deceive me? Or am I just paranoid...? But what purpose does a KY jelly serve to a guy? HELP!!!!! Differential Diagnoses PLEASE!!!!!
Wednesday, September 10, 2003
I haven't been getting really good sleep lately and I feel bad about it. I am not really the sleepy time of person. I am actually an early riser. But somehow during the past week, I am having trouble getting myself to sleep. I probably have a lot of things on mind, lots of things to do, things to get settled, people to talk to. I don't know. I feel so groggy now. I can't even eat right. What will happen to me? One thing I learned about all this:
1. Counting sheep doesn't work.
2. Emptying your mind, ridding your self of worries before going to sleep doesn't work either.
3. Reading before going to bed, doesn't work too.
4. Exhaustion, is not a solution.
5. Eating before goin to sleep, used to work for me, but now...it absolutely failed me.
Help!!!!!!
in blue jeans & high heels
